


first sight and forward

by maraudersourwolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 02:56:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15209324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersourwolf/pseuds/maraudersourwolf
Summary: The first time they see each other, there’s too much fur and blood matted over it.But he doesn’t want any more conflict.He’s tired of running, after all.Tired of hiding.He just wants to find a home.





	first sight and forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tabbytabbytabby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/gifts).



> This is my first Therek ever.  
> And it kinda ashames me to say that it was kinda hard to write.  
> There might be some inconsistencies,  
> I beg you to look over them.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I don't really know Derek's age in canon.  
> I think the very one JD doesn't know either.  
> So I decided he's 3 or 4 years older than Theo, not much.  
> This is settled after the war against Monroe and Gerard.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Tabby,**  
>  this is your belated birthday gift.  
> I am terrible at keeping myself under a schedule and I'm sorry for that.  
> But I still wanted to gift you something pretty because you deserve it.
> 
>  
> 
> Barely to none beta'd.  
> Very messy and weird, but that's my trademark at this point.  
> I don't even know.  
> Enjoy!

 

 

The first time they see each other, there’s too much fur and blood matted over it.

Bright blue eyes pierce on the yellow one he owns. There’s fangs at clear sight under a snarl and the noises that rip out from the middle of that ribcage are equally parts threatening and heartbreaking.

Neither carries the scent of pack, at least not strongly, and that’s the only reassuring thing about this all. In case the match of wills end physical, he’ll have to worry about only one set of jaws, instead of a horde of bites. The other wolf is also larger than him and probably even stronger, but he has agility on his part to give a good fight. And fleeing is not something that ashames him either.

But he doesn’t want any more conflict.

He’s tired of running, after all.

Tired of hiding.

He just wants to find a home.

There’s no words, because you can’t voice something out with a lack of vocal cords and moving lips. But the instance of the other wolf falters and this should be his in to attack and sink fangs over the black and thick fur of that muscled neck, but he does not.

He looks the other wolf getting closer and this time is him the one who shows his fangs and goes as far as to throw a bite in the terse space between them both. His tail is hiding itself under his body and that’s exactly the thing he doesn’t want it to do. Fear and weakness is a luxury he can’t go around showing, not when you try to survive.

The other wolf huffs, not even giving a second thought to what could have been an attack over his own muzzle. Then turns and leaves in a pace so slow that he doesn’t doubt how loud it echoes the word ‘safety’ over each step.

When he’s finally alone, the shadow of black fur between the leaves long since gone, he wonders if maybe this all was a dream, if maybe it was nothing else but one of the shadows of the forest.

But he recognizes Scott’s pack’s scent far too well, even so faded, to fool himself.

 

*

 

The second time they see each other is merely days after the first one. Maybe a week, more or less. He doesn’t exactly know because time tracking is hard to do when you’re more of a wolf than a real boy, but not as hard as trying to hunt, which Theo has been doing with no success whatsoever.

Maybe it’s the new found humanity within him that sort of pushed a reset button at the back of his mind and now every survival instinct is put under a radar of judging. Or maybe it’s the fact that he never truly did something like this. Shifting into a wolf meant an easier tool to scare humans, to slip into places he wasn’t supposed to be, to try to escape. He never really used his fangs for anything. They had blood, that’s for sure, but it was from tender human flesh seasoned with tears and screams and not animal muscle ready to be swallowed and tamper a need.

It’s almost hilarious how the woods seem to know.

He’s too tired at this point to try to chase another bunny for almost a quarter of the preserve or to try to catch a bird or a squirrel. He’s tired of running and colliding against trees and slipping over the wet leaves and the soil. But even if there’s still the option to go the river and try to fish something, he discards it as quick as it flashes in his mind.

Same as shifting back to human.

There’s a sense of freedom that comes in the form of being four legged and having paws and a tail that he can’t exactly express besides the point of emotions being easier to handle. His brain isn’t simpler but his thoughts are. And now that he’s back from hell, his own brain is the only thing that has been pushing him backwards.

That and the lack of food.

He’s ready to go stalk on humans and see if he can perhaps steal some impromptu picnic, when the big bad wolf summons itself out of nowhere, stopping in front of him and dropping a bunny.

There’s droplets of blood that fall thickly from foreigner fangs into the ground and it maybe should be more concerning, but Theo barely pays attention to it. He looks at the beady dead eyes of the prey and his nostrils flare unconsciously at the scent of copper from the vital liquid tainting the dark grey fur. He’s sure it might be a tramp of some sort, obvious enough so just a dumb person would fall for it. But the thoughts of just letting his body decide on the basic flee or fight instinct are quickly tampered down by his stomach rumbling loudly.

He’s always been an opportunist, after all.

Getting close with measured and slow steps under the scrutiny of bright blue eyes, that claim a guilt that seeds curiosity on the chimera, Theo brings his jaws around the rabbit. There’s a low growl, more playful than anything, almost teasing. But Theo’s hackles still raise at the sound. He doesn’t lose any time freezing in fear, sinking his fangs over the pelt and rushing away from proximity and therefore harm's way.

Only stopping when there’s a good amount of feet between them both, Theo looks back at the wolf just to find that it hasn’t moved at all. Just the bright blue eyes following him, every twitch of his muscles, every sway of his body.  

The wolf huffs, pretty similar to that first time, and turns around, leaving the pray and Theo to enjoy.

It doesn’t take long to have his own snout smeared with blood and the memories of an empty stomach behind. Same as the memories of a fending wolf.

 

*

 

The third time, he’s not even shifted.

He’s naked, sitting over the soil and the dead leaves, letting go of the frustration of not being able to hold a place in the human world and even less in the natural one. Watching at the big bad wolf carry a duck in between his fangs is a surprise and at the same time, it’s not.

Since that second encounter, Theo had found preys scattered around for him to find. Didn’t matter how many times he changed his nest location or if he decided to pass completely of them and not eat it, there was always a new one waiting for him. Fresh blood that would make his nostrils flare and his mouth water.

But never the wolf.

This is a new step in whatever game they seem to have going and he’s not really sure of how does it set in his bones.

“I don’t need charity,” his voice is rough for the lack of use and it doesn’t quite sound as mean as he would like to, but he hopes his point gets across.

It doesn’t.

The wolf takes a tentative step forward, clearly unbothered, but backs again after a few seconds. It should feel like a win, but it’s the closest thing to losing the battle.

Theo is half expecting for the wolf to turn around and leave, prey with him. Instead, it lowers his head carefully, never taking his eyes off of Theo, and letting go of its soft grip on the duck’s neck. Once it’s done, the wolf stares for a short second, enough to let Theo know that he’s being assessed, as the skittish creature he is.

It’s not long until the wolf turns around and leaves. Theo huffs in annoyance and quickly takes the duck, thinking about throwing it at the retreating back of the beast. His grip goes from tight to softer in a clenching motion over the feathers, tainted with blood same as his fingers now, and decides against it at the last second before the black fur transforms into a far away shadow.

It’s an offering.

Of which kind, he doesn’t know.

But he can’t help himself and feel a bit glad about it.

 

*

 

By the time number 15, Theo accepts that the wolf is now part of his daily life.

It comes and goes when he least expects it, bringing gifts or just its presence. Theo never follows, doesn’t exactly knows where the wolf wanders to, and the wolf never crosses the silent yet amicable arrangement that’s between them both of just gravitating towards one another for the short moments of sun and then each one to their own.

Everything is right and well in its weird yet functional way.

But Theo can’t help to feel that’s not enough.

 

*

 

Time number 30 is enough for him, the breaking point.

Theo has spent days and nights trying to break his brain apart and understand what is happening but reaching no answer at all. Nothing of this holds any sense. Not the wolf fending and caring for him. Not him enjoying the time they spent together. Not the fake sense of security and pack he has.

It doesn’t make any sense.

And he is tired of puzzles.

They are sitting in the middle of the woods, right under the shifting shapes of shadows playing under the last hours of afternoon sun and leaves. There’s a soft breeze that should be calming, but gnaws on his skin like a solid mocking whisper. The wolf is curled at his side, not close yet not too far, enjoying a nap.

Theo can’t take it anymore.

“You don’t shift around me because you think I don’t know you?,” Theo asked, bitterly, “Should I remind you I did a great of a job collecting information from the pack, Derek?”

The crack of bones and the fleeting scent of pain fills the air for a second, before Theo is faced with broad shoulders and chest hair and kaleidoscopic eyes looking back at him. Maybe it’s the lack of human interaction for so long, but he lets his gaze roam over the body in front of him. From Derek’s lips to his jaw and neck, down to his chest, and his abs and---

There’s heat creeping up his face and before it gets into a further problem, he masks his scent and looks away. This isn’t acceptable.

The silence is heavy and just when Theo is about to explode, to yell and bite with words, Derek seems to find the will to speak.

“It didn’t seem like you want human company”

“Then why are you here,” Theo spits the words like venom, turning back to look at Derek’s face, in the most daring way he can muster. He hopes that the years of self-training into being the complete opposite of how he feels pay off.

“You didn’t look like wanting to be alone, either”

And isn’t that the truth.

The chimera’s hands tremble slightly and there’s a thank you at the tip of his tongue that he viciously bite. It’s impossible to not find this tricky at all, to not see the gaps between the statements. It doesn’t feel completely wrong but it doesn’t feel right either and Theo can see a loophole when there’s one, because he lived out of that for years.

“Did Scott send you to keep an eye on me?”

“No,” Derek replies and his heart keeps a steady rhythm that Theo soon finds enticing, “Even if he did, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Why? I’m dangerous. I killed my sister, many people after her, I killed Scott--”

“And there’s enough guilt rolling off of you to let me know that you don’t want to be that person anymore”

Theo can’t stop the growl that blooms in between his ribs and that spills between his growing fangs. Derek spits truths as if he knows what he’s talking about. As if Theo wasn’t more than an open book, an open vault of secrets.

But the chimera is not mystery for anyone to solve.

“What do you get out of this?,” Theo spits, feeling the hairs at the back of his neck stand, getting ready for a battle that he’s not sure if it’s against the other man or himself, “There’s no way you’re doing this from the good of your heart. Is it guilt for what happened to you?,” Derek winces slightly. Not enough to be obvious to anyone but clear as water for a hunter of weaknesses like the chimera is. Theo smirks, a facade by default that long ago served to taunt others and now barely if covers his insecurities. “Is that, isn’t it? Guilt for the blood you spilled. You want to pay for what you did wrong and I--”

“And you?”

Theo chokes with his own words and frowns, because Derek doesn’t reply anything else to the goading. At least not with words. His green-grey-blue eyes softens at the corners and Theo knows pretty well what that glint there means.

Pity.

Compassion.

Empathy.

 _Care_.

All of that, for someone like him.

Theo takes a step backwards and Derek’s hand twitches. Another one, and Derek takes half step forward. He doesn’t know in which exact second he went from being the torturer to being the tortured, to feel hunted. Derek isn’t supposed to care. No one is supposed to care. But it’s too late now and the sun is setting already, everything in the chimera’s soul screaming for him to run.

And as soon as the thought crosses his mind, he does.

With dead leaves and twigs under his feet and branches at his arms. Naked, from inside out. A raw nerve with two words echoing inside his head that he wants to drown at any cost, but regret is hard to kill. And he’s not that good of a killer lately.

Theo runs, without knowing where to, but knowing what he wants to escape from.

Derek doesn’t follow.

And Theo pretends it doesn’t hurt.

 

*

 

Two weeks pass, winter comes, and Derek is not here. The woods have long since lost the scent of the big bad wolf, the clues of him being real and not the illusion of a poor lonely boy.  

Theo feels stupid for feeling abandoned, after being the one running away.

Derek wasn’t supposed to be part of his life. He wasn’t meant to cut a place with claws and fangs in the heart that isn’t Theo’s and nest inside. But he did. And now Theo understands why the Dread Doctors said that human emotions were flaws. Why his many victims caved instantly at the mention of a beloved one.

Having something you care, something you love, is a weakness.

Derek’s the one who tried and failed, the one who offered something and got refused.

A flaw.

Theo’s the one who’s derailed, the one who’s wrong.

A failure.

Theo’s the one who decides to make a den under the old Hale’s house porch and wait for Derek to come home.

Having something to love wasn’t part of his plan.

 

*

 

“I know you are there, Theo”

Derek’s voice is a low rumble, amicable and soft at every corner, that makes Theo remember of people talking to scared animals.

Which is somewhat fitting.

In the span of the last week from three without Derek, Theo has been acting like a lost dog. The first two days, he’d wander around the woods, scavenging whatever he could find. Old bones, forgotten food bags, dead animals. Sometimes, even bark and small rocks. Always coming back to the old Hale house ghost to rest. The last five days left, refusing completely to move. Nose hiding under the tip of his tail and ears tucked backwards to avoid the cold.

Simply giving up.

“Come on, I need you to get out of there”

Derek’s voice is so delicate that seems like a hallucination. Which most likely it’s what’s happening. He’s starving, after all. Slowly freezing to death too. There’s so little a chimera can handle before his body, that wasn’t meant to exist at all, completely shuts down.

And he refuses to keep on fighting. For what anyways? Derek’s voice is a soft lure to precious death that’s more than welcome before going back to that loop dismay and insanity.

“Theo, you can’t stay there. You need to get out”

Theo huffs and tucks himself tighter, trying to accommodate his body into something that could ease the deep ache of his soul and ignoring his mind drifting away into madness. It isn’t long before his mind evokes the sound of rustling clothes and grumbling, followed by cracking bones that most likely are his own.

There is a shadow stepping inside his makeshift den but neither of his animals react at it. The scent of woods and earth and bitterness is something they recognize. Something that’s impregnated into every corner of the house, besides the old scent of ashes and grief. It’s familiar. Or maybe not. Maybe is just the survival instinct, once and for all, gone.

A cold snout presses at the juncture between the chimera’s head and neck, sniffling incessantly while searching for who knows what, right before a warm tongue starts to lathe the base of one of his ears. The whole thing is uncommon, but Theo assumes that’s what happens when you fall into delusions right before dying. His brain is trying to give him a little piece of paradise before parting to hell. But it does nothing more than dig a deeper hole in his chest, a husk and broken whine slipping past his fangs. Unconsciously, he is lifting his head, trying to catch something more of this Derek his mind conjured, a fake sense of fulfillment or maybe that glint on his eyes from weeks before.

Something that would make him feel less lonely, less abandoned.

Less like a failure.

The wolf rumbles again, a bit more loudly and appreciatively in what feels like encouragement, nosing Theo’s face out of the way until the chimera tips it to a side. It isn’t surrender, but it’s a close call. Theo’s mind is foggy and the lack of food on his body is finally taking toll. The snout presses back into his neck and there’s soft nudges that make the chimera’s bones ache in the best of ways.

His little calm before the storm.

Soon, there’s fangs pressing on his scruff and the distinct feeling of being somewhat lifted. His animal body feels elation from it, a shock of endorphins that make him suddenly calmer and completely relaxed to his fate.

This is it.

This is the moment.

He only regrets not being able to see Derek one last time.

And then, everything goes black.

  


*

 

When he comes back into himself, he’s not in hell, but his soul aches in the same way.

He isn’t in the woods either nor under the old Hale house bones, but his body hurts and the cold seeped down under his skin in ways he’s not sure he’ll ever shake off.

He is on a bed that smells less like dirt and more like pine trees. That has a tinge of bitterness that he would recognize now anywhere, and that somehow makes him feel safer than ever. Even if he’s not sure how he got there in the first place.

For a moment, he just enjoys and buries himself deep under the covers, letting the warmth chase away the winter out of his being and stitch back the pieces that went loose. He sighs in bliss and lets himself melt under the soft pressure of blankets and the mattress engulfing his body.

The soft padding of bare feet walking into the room breaks the spell too soon and Theo feels on edge almost instantly. But different from other times, he doesn’t try to flee or lash out. Instead, staying right where he is.

Warm and safe, surrounded by Derek’s scent.

“Do you think I’m broken?,” it blurts out of him as a whisper but Theo feels his insides as if it was a roar.

The silence is deafening and Theo has never been good against it, so he uncovers and turns to look at Derek, who looks at him impassively calm, getting on his nerves and under his skin.

In the worst ways.

In the best ways.

“You are,” the wolf replies simply and suddenly his gaze is too strong for Theo to face it, so the chimera ducks his head down. “But so was I”

The silence that follows is not as biting as before, but Theo can still feel it nipping at his ankles and wrists incessantly. A question that weeks ago put his world upside down is now pushing its way out of his mouth and Theo relents because what else can he do? Pretty and nice things aren’t for him, not without a price.

“What do you want from me?,” he breathes out, defeated. His eyes once more find their way to Derek’s and this time stay there, with the badly hidden plea.

The corner of Derek’s mouth quirks upwards slightly and this time, the glint that’s in the wolf’s gaze says more that what Theo could ever expect. More that what he can put into words.

“Whatever you want to give me”

It’s the time number 52 they see each other and Theo is not proud to admit that his eyes are brimming in tears.

But it’s a small price for the happiness he feels.

 

*

 

Time 162 finds Theo in a too big of a bed for the space that’s being occupied, in between two firm and strong arms. His head laying over a bulky shoulder, that’s far more comfortable that he would have expected, and the soft pressure of lips over his forehead.

He’s half asleep but the rain outside tapping over the window woke him up and he couldn’t help but exploit the moment and enjoy the sight in front of him. Heavy lidded eyes going from lightly stubbled cheeks to the straight bridge of a nose, back to long lashes and heavy eyebrows to thin lips that Theo knows hide the more adorable bunny teeth he’s ever seen.

A soft smile finds its way up his own lips and before it dies, he kisses it over Derek’s.

The low rumble that’s more like a cat purr than anything sparks a sensation that Theo just now it’s starting to get used to. Warmth, happiness, fulfillment and a sense of being right where he is supposed to be, all wrapped into one.

Derek hugs him closer and Theo complies to the sleeping body next to him. Half the bed is empty behind his back, but there’s no better place than where is right now.

He thinks of every choice in his life, that he would undoubtedly change. The killing, the blood, the pain. Nightmares and traumas and things he can’t explain. Of his second chance. Of every step in his life that lead him to this very moment.

He thinks of the many times he has seen Derek.

While feeling lonely. While feeling broken. While feeling tainted and corrupted and wrong. And then healing. And growing. And being unashamed of the space he took to live and how he forgave himself and how he decided that he was worthy of something more than just suffering.

The rain keeps tapping against the window and Theo smiles.

Dragging the tip of his nose over the underside of the wolf’s jaw, Theo purrs back and settles on his favorite spot, right at the end of Derek’s jaw where the stubble itches the tip of his nose and the scent of pack is stronger than anywhere else.

The scent of home.

Of love.

He thinks of the future.

Of how things will develop, how the most little of things can make the hugest change. Of how he is ready for those changes now. Of Derek, at his side, grumbling in his sleep and Theo being able to wake up in the middle of the night and just _see_ him there.

With him.

Together.

And he can’t wait.

  


**Author's Note:**

> The title and pretty much the escense of this thing comes from **I found by Amber Run**
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbSZhGONRBg


End file.
